Complexities of intimacy

It's funny how you might see a movie preview, hear a few things about it and not necessarily entirely know what's it about, but within seconds you know enough about it to know if it looks like something you'd want to check out at some point. Such is the case with me and "Shortbus", a movie I watched last night with a few friends.

 I remember reading a blurb about it when it came out in the theater last year, but never got around to seeing it for one reason or another. Finally out on DVD, I was curious to check it out. All I really knew about it was that it focused on sex in the context of relationships/couples living in NYC....and that it was rated UR, a rating which I can't recall seeing before....so wasn't sure what I was in store for. Would it be a cheeky portrayal of liberal, sexually adventurous couples looking to spice things up? Would it simply be a porn flick in the guise of an indie movie? Better yet, would it focus on stereotypical gay relationships with some drag queen scenes thrown in for good measure? Surprisingly and refreshingly, none of the aforementioned. (Though there were some drag queens in some scenes, it was part of the overall scene, not the focus of it/exploitative)

I was astounded and impressed by the "real life" feel of this movie. While it may deceive potential viewers into believing this movie is all about sex, it is only a partial forum of expression in demonstrating issues of intimacy the characters in the film are working through together...and alone. The first few minutes of the movie seem to serve as initial "shock value" when you see alot of sex going on in 3 different, yet interweaving, relationships. If you are easily embarrassed, uncomfortable, or offended by overt sexuality, this may not be the movie for you. Even a gay friend of mine who was watching it with me became visibly uncomfortable at first with the "real life" display of sex on the screen. I asked why he was uncomfortable, as I know he's watched porn, so how is that any different I asked? Because it wasn't "simulated" and had underlying intimacy in the context of the characters' relationships. How interesting that we seem to be more comfortable with fake, detached/depersonalized sex than we are with watching intimate sex acts. I'm certainly not criticizing my friend, for surely, he is in the majority....most people have fears of intimacy....of letting their guard down to be vulnerable enough and let others really "see" who they are, regardless of consequences (ie being rejected and/or abandoned,etc). I'm no stranger to this myself. I remember reading this astoundingly, eye opening book in graduate school about sex and intimacy called "Passionate Marriage (Couple)." It brought to awareness my own fears and issues surrounding intimacy, including myths society perpetuates regarding romance and intimacy. I could write a blog just on this topic alone, but I'm straying from the topic at hand...the movie.

As I was saying, this movie is just absolutely excellent. It reminds me of my grad school days learning and analyzing couples relationships in my marriage and family masters program. Once in awhile, my professor Dr. Todd would have us watch scenes from a movie he picked out for the purpose of analysis/assessment of the intricacies of the couple's relationship and have a class discussion about it. "Shortbus" is the kind of movie that, if it weren't for the sex scenes, could be used as a tool for further critical analysis of love relationships in 2007.

 It portrays various kinds of relationships across the board: 

A married woman who loves her husband, but has never had an orgasm and desperately searches for this experience outside of and within herself. (Interestingly, she is a sex/couples counselor!)

 A gay couple who love each other, but the one guy's self-worth holds him back from allowing himself to be loved.

A (hilarious!!) dominatrix named "Severin" who ironically enough, is afraid to reveal her real name and express genuine intimacy outside of her role as a sex worker.

Overall, I can't say enough how much I loved this movie. Even the ending had realistic closure to it, which is hard to find in films. I wasn't sure if my friends were going to say they liked it, as usually when I really like a movie, I seem to be in the minority. We were talking about it afterwards though and they seemed to think favorably of it as well. What we found surprising was how good the acting was considering I think most of them had never acted before/much.

Most of all, watching "Shortbus" reminded me just how much I miss studying/learning about couples relationships since I finished graduate school. Observing strengths, weaknesses, and idiosyncrasies in relationships and writing papers on the subject always fascinated me. Since then, I feel as if I've strayed far from that true interest and intrigue in my current job working with drug addicts. While I feel somewhat sad about it, at the same time, this movie helped remind me of what direction I need to go, steering me back to what I personally find interesting and meaningful....working as a family and couples therapist.